Do you put up walls easily? Repeat negative patterns? Shield yourself from anything new because certain people or behaviors feel safe and comfortable? We asked Tania Kolar about overcoming self-sabotage and what’s the best way to manifest your happiest life.
By Tania Kolar
As a life coach who works with clients in a variety of areas from business, relationships, and health and wellness, I have found that most people are looking for answers on why they invariably are confronted by barriers just as they are starting to gain momentum in achieving their goals.
As a result, I’ve come up with a step-by-step process to help my clients first uncover, identify, and then break away from the limiting blocks that make it virtually impossible for them to obtain their goals and desires. Because it’s so important to manifest your best life.
I have developed this process based on decades of being inflicted with my own struggles and hitting a barrier every time I started to get closer to my end goal. I realized that my obstacles were self-created and born from my past conditioning—and that I was the one sabotaging my success.
Are you like this as well?
For example, you may be under the impression that you make your own decisions and control your life, but there is an invisible dictator buried in your subconscious telling you what to do and controlling your actions and life.
Consider these questions:
- How many times do you find yourself repeating the same patterns in life? (i.e. dating the same type of guys / quitting the same type of jobs / turning down the promotions / not accepting the compliments etc.)
- Do you feel, that somehow, no matter what you do, you always end up with the same outcomes? You experience the same problems, the same struggles, and encounter the same obstacles?
- Do you have the same arguments, attract the same kind of partner, or keep going back to the people or things that end up hurting you?
If yes, well, you are definitely not alone. We all have a tendency to repeat patterns that lead us down a familiar pathway of what feels comfortable and safe. Unfortunately, this pathway leads to a mediocre and inferior life.
What leads us down this inferior pathway?
In my opinion, we are driven by what I call a “mold” that reinforces our limitations. A mold is created from the repetition of thoughts, habits, patterns, and beliefs. It starts out formless and empty, and is shaped by whatever we choose to put into it. This limiting mold keeps us stuck on repeat and prevents us from maximizing our potential and living our best life.
As our internal “mold” gets bigger, it becomes partial to what is already there and like a magnet draws in more of what dominates; and begins to repel the opposite. We act and react based on what the mold is saying. Hence, we continue to play out familiar and predictable patterns.
Question: Do you ever notice when you are having an argument, the topic of disagreement seems to expand beyond what initially triggered the argument?
In this case, you are arguing from past arguments that are resurfacing and not the current argument. Many times, you can’t even remember what you were arguing about in the first place, but you are so consumed by anger you just can’t seem to let it go. Your mold is controlling your behaviour during the argument—and pulling up past beliefs. And, now you are reacting from what your mold is saying and not the actual argument.
Similar to my experience, our past conditioning has created a life chock-full of limitations.
A mold is not real. It is created in your own mind; and is the foundation for all your decisions. A mold the invisible dictator buried in your subconscious that is controlling every aspect of your life; and ultimately sabotaging your future.
A mold is a false reality that causes you to fall short of your full potential. It has you living an ordinary existence. Many limitations you have unknowingly created for yourself and others are destined by fate or karma. No matter the cause, it’s always in your control to either accept or break from limitations.
Overcoming self-sabotage and breaking the mold
I believe your true identity is buried beneath your mold in the space that existed before you created it. This space is where all potentiality exists—and you can create an extraordinary life from it. A life you thought was never possible for you.
If you are not living your dream life, it’s time to break your mold, silence the invisible dictator, and move in the direction of your best life. But, is there hope?
Yes, there is!
Now that you’ve read the breakdown on what I feel could be holding you back from reaching your full potential—you should know that you are in charge of your own destiny. Remember, your internal mold can be emptied (or rectified) if you choose to do so. It’s up to you!
So, if you follow these few steps that I’ve suggested on overcoming self-sabotage, you can work toward destroying the barriers that restrict you from optimizing your potential.
In other words, reaching your desired outcomes.
Here’s an overview:
- Uncover false limiting blocks.
- Identify their origin.
- Break away from the self-defeating behaviors associated with these blocks.
If you do these, you will finally be able to reach the level of success you desire and deserve (which at one time may have seemed impossible to achieve).
About the Author: Tania Kolar is a life coach & author of the book “Breaking The Stupid Mold: Overcoming Self-Sabotage and Limiting Beliefs, So You Can Live An Extraordinary Life.” To contact her directly, visit Tania’s website at taniakolar.com
Editor’s note: If you enjoyed this personal reflection, you will probably like the article, “Saying Goodbye To The Old You“